Little Johnny Jokes 9: Insulting and offensive little Johnny jokes...

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Little Johnny's sitting on his bed and says to his girlfriend standing in the doorway, "My little boopey-boo - I'm so lonely." So she crosses the room over to Little Johnny. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls flat on her face. Little Johnny, with a concerned look on his face, says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey- wosey?" She gets up, gets into Little Johnny's bed and the two have passionate sex. Afterwards the girl rolls out and crosses the room over to the bathroom. On the way she catches her foot on the carpet and once again falls flat on her face. Little Johnny mutters under his breath, "Clumsy bitch." 



There was this young girl that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. So, the grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that but, don't let him do that, it will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. So, the next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like she said. But she said, "Grandmother, I didn't let Little Johnny disgrace the family. When he tried I turned over, got on top of him and disgraced his family." 



Little Johnny and Susie were playing doctor on the back porch when Susie's mom popped in on them. "You're gonna get a good lickin' when daddy gets home," she said. Susie replied, "Johnny's been doing that all afternoon." 



Little Johnny is walking downtown and a girl whispers to him," Blowjob, five dollars." He gives her a strange look and keeps walking. Soon another girl does the same thing. Confused, he keeps walking. So the first thing out of his mouth when he returns home is "Mom, what's a blowjob?" His mom replies, "Five dollars, just like downtown!" 



It was near Christmas and Little Johnny, the neighborhood paperboy, received Christmas cards (with extra big tips enclosed) from the first three houses on his route.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a big breakfast - eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly squeezed orange juice. When he was completely satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this is just too wonderful for words," Little Johnny said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I asked my husband what to give you since it's Christmas time. He said, 'Fuck him, give him a dollar.' " The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea." 



Once there was a woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen, even though the garden of the little boy next door had beautiful, bright red tomatoes. Admiring her neighbor's garden, she went one day and inquired of him his secret. "It's really quite simple," Little Johnny explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."

"I don't think if I did that, it would help my tomatoes grow," the indignant woman sniffed. "Maybe not," Little Johnny replied excitedly... "But it would help my cucumbers!" 



"Hey! This looks like a great meal! I know I'm lucky to have such a beautiful girlfriend, but I didn't know you were a fantastic cook as well."

"I feel I should warn you, Little Johnny," she simpered, "that I expect my mom and dad home in an hour."

"But I'm not doing anything," he protested. "I know," she sighed. "I just wanted to let you know how much time you had." 



Little Johnny and a woman are riding up in an elevator. Little Johnny looks at the woman and says, "Can I smell your pussy?" She replies, "Hell no!" Little Johnny says, "Well, it must be your feet then." 



A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor, Little Johnny, was called as a witness. The defense attorney asked, "Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?"

"No sir," answered Little Johnny. "Did you ever get any from his wife?"

"No sir."

"Did you ever get any from his daughters?"

"Uh - excuse me sir," Little Johnny said, "but we're still talking about drugs here, right?" 



A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, if I stood on my head the blood would run down into it."

"Yes sir," the kids replied. "Then why is it that when I'm standing upright in the usual position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" Little Johnny shouted, "'Cause your feet ain't empty!"