Little Johnny Jokes 8: Insulting and offensive little Johnny jokes...

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A woman and her husband have a bad fight. He goes off to work the next day without talking to her, but she doesn't care. She's busy doing her thing around the house, when around 1:00 in the afternoon, the doorbell rings. She opens the door and there is a young delivery boy from the local florist shop with an enormous, beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed red roses... the expensive ones... from her husband. She says to Johnny the delivery boy, "Oh, SHIT!" Little Johnny replies, "What's the matter, lady? Don't you like roses?" She replies, "Yeah, I like roses, but do you know what this means?" He says, "No, what does this mean?" She answers, "It means for the next two weeks I'll be laying on my back with my legs in the air." Little Johnny replies, "Geez, lady, don't you have a vase?" 



Mary went to Jill's place to tell her about a horrible experience she'd had the previous night with this guy she brought home. "Well, what happened when you got there?" Jill asked. "That little bastard Johnny called me a slut!" Mary said. "And what did you do then?" Jill asked, shocked. Mary said, "I told him to get the fuck out of my bedroom and take his five friends with him!" 



Little Johnny's at a bus stop and overhears two of his neighbors talking, "What should you do if you arrive home and find your wife in bed with another man?" Little Johnny interrupts with, "Make sure his seeing eye dog hasn't shit on the bedroom floor!" 



A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word "indefinitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raises his hand at the back of the class, but the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Jim. Jim replies, "Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely."

"Good" the teacher replies. "What about you Jenny?" Jenny says, "Since the bus broke down, transportation has been stopped indefinitely." The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other one, and asks if anyone can use it in a different way. So there's Little Johnny waving his hand again. And the teacher thinks... maybe he really does know the answer, so she calls on him. Johnny stands up and says, "As I felt my balls slap against her buns, I knew that I was in definitely!" 



Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Why do women have periods?"

"Because they deserve them." 



Little Johnny sneaks up behind a girl. "BOO!" yells Little Johnny. "Hey!" exclaims the girl, "you scared me half out of my pants!" Little Johnny responds, "BOO! BOO! BOO! BOO! BOO! BOO!" 



Ten year old Little Johnny was walking home with a girl in his class when he said, "Pammy, you're the first girl I have ever loved." Pammy responded, "Great, that's all I need - another beginner." 



In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?"

"How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher. "Forty." she replies. "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"

"Well, dear, how old is your sister?" The little girl answers, "Nineteen."

"Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?"

"How old are you, dear?" The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old."

"No, dear, you can't get pregnant..." Then Little Johnny, sitting behind the little girl, gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about." 



The final examination for an English class was two hours long and exam booklets were provided. The teacher was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, Little Johnny came rushing in and asked the teacher for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the teacher stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes I will," replied Little Johnny. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the teacher called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. Fifteen minutes later, the last student came up to the teacher who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." Little Johnny looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the teacher. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Little Johnny said again. "No, and I don't care." replied the teacher with an air of superiority. "Good," replied Little Johnny, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.



Little Johnny goes into O'Shanley's Bar and Grille, sees that all the tables are full, sits at the bar and orders a cheeseburger. While he's waiting for the burger, he says to the bartender, "Have I got some great Irish jokes for you!" The bartender leans over to him and says, "Listen, if I were you, I'd watch what I say. The bouncer is Irish, I'm Irish, in fact, almost everyone in this bar is Irish."

"Oh, that's okay," says Little Johnny, "I'll talk v-e-r-y s-l-o-o-w-l-y."