Dumb Quotes 101-150: Hilarious dumb quotes...

Dumb Quotes Page: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-224

101. According to a survey 1 in 100 men wear the same hair each week.
- GWR FM

102. US planes have the capability to penetrate deep into Soviet soil.
- General Rogers

103. If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
- George Gobol.

104. Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- George Carlin

105. I have opinions of my own - strong opinions- but I don't always agree with them.
- George Bush

106. I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
- Garry Shandling

107. Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
- George Bernard Shaw

108. For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex. . . uh. . . setbacks.
- George Bush

109. I hope I stand for anti- bigotry, anti- Semitism, anti- racism. This is what drives me.
- George Bush

110. Now, like, I'm the president. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come in to the White House and start offering it up, you know?. . . I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that. ' (Talking about drug abuse to a group of students)
- George Bush

111. This is Pearl Harbor Day. 47 years ago to this very day, we were hit and hit hard at Pearl Harbor. " - Bush addressing the American Legion in Louisville, Kentucky, on Sept 7, '88, 3 months off target .
- George Bush

112. A letter from the Iowa Department of Human Services said, "Your medical assistance is cancelled beginning 9/24/84 because of your death. "
- Government

113. You're a parasite for sore eyes.
- Gregory Ratoff, actor/director

114. [I want to] make sure everybody who has a job wants a job.
- George Bush, during his 1st campaign for the presidency

115. Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.
116. General William Westmoreland

117. I want to gain 1500 or 2000 yards, whichever comes first.
- George Rogers, New Orleans Saints running back

118. These American horses know the fences like the back of their hands.
- Harvey Smith

119. Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
- Heidi Sandige

120. Give Bill a second term, and Al Gore and I will be turned loose to do what we really want to do.
- Hillary Clinton, speaking at a Democratic fundraiser

121. I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
- Hillary Clinton, commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

122. Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.
- Harry Carpenter, commenting on a boat race

123. I think that a toilet roll with Father Christmas printed on it is really scraping the bottom.
- Interviewee on Woman's Hour

124. It was completely quiet in the stadium - but noisy,
- John Humphreys

125. What's nice about my dating life is that I don't have to leave my house. All I have to do is read the paper: I'm marrying Richard Gere, dating Daniel Day Lewis, parading around with John F. Kennedy, Jr., and even Robert De Niro was in there for a day.
- Julia Roberts

126. I might have been through some changes, but changing the way I look wasn't one of the major ones. To be honest. I'm sick of the whole subject of my hair. I mean, are you just sitting there looking at my hair, or are you looking at me?
- Jon Bon Jovi

127. I'm an old- fashioned guy. . . I want to be an old man with a beer belly sitting on a porch, looking at a lake or something.
- Johnny Depp

128. Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.
- Jim Carrey

129. We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
- Jeff Marder

130. Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T- shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
- Jerry Seinfeld

131. Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
- Jon Stewart

132. I must declare an interest in this, and say that I know absolutely nothing at all about guns.
- Jimmy Young

133. At the finish, it was all over.
- Jim Watt

134. A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.
- Jack Benny

135. For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
- Johnny Carson

136. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
- Joe Louis

137. He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
- J. Heller

138. Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
- Jeff Raskin

139. A dollar saved is a quarter earned.
- John Ciardi

140. When holding a press conference on Free Trade with U. S. president Bill Clinton, Canadian prime minister Jean Chretien was asked what he thought about all the drugs that were entering Canada from the U. S. He responded: "Well, it's more trade. " After a tense moment of silence and some muffled laughter Clinton leaned over and whispered something in Chretien's ear. Chretien immediately blurted "Oh drugs! I thought you said trucks!"
- Jean Chretien

141. When President Kennedy did a speech in Berlin, his ending line is "Ich bin ein Berliner. " To German speakers, what that really means is "I am a jelly donut!"
- John F. Kennedy

142. Upon his drafting into the Dallas Mavericks, Mr. Kidd was quoted as saying "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees". Let's think about that, shall we?
- Jason Kidd (Dallas Mavericks)

143. I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.
- John Wayne

144. My life is so full of surprises, nothing surprises me any more.
- Kim Wilde

145. I'd like to put on buckskins and a ponytail and go underwater with a reed, hiding from the Indians. To me, that's sexy!
- Kevin Costner

146. When Electrolux first marketed their vacuum cleaners in the U. S. , their slogan was, "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux!" Apparently, the Swedish- speaking people who created that slogan didn't know that in American slang, "suck" also means "to be bad".

147. A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on.
- Lee Iacocca

148. Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen a angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had.
- Linus Torvalds

149. For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: drag behind car through puddles, blow- dry on roof rack.
- Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea)

150. I've always thought that under populated countries in Africa are vastly under polluted.
- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank